Hello. My name is Bruce and I'm a hypocrite.

I'm a hypocrite all the time. You can't be a part-time hypocrite…you either are or you aren't. And I'm a hypocrite. There are times I'm more of a hypocrite than others, like when I'm writing this blog or teaching my Bible study class. And my friend Trinitie called me on it. Oh, she didn't come right out and say, "Bruce, you are a hypocrite," though if anybody would, Trinitie would. No, she was much more subtle but just as effective. Her words, intended this way or not, opened me up like a doctor doing heart surgery, and finding my heart wasn't pumping to it's full potential because the arteries were full of fat. Full of excess. Weak because of laziness. Let me explain.

On Sunday I posted a quote about skidding into heaven, totally worn out and screaming "what a ride!" I said that should describe the Christian life. Worn out from serving God. That suddenly seems so cliche. But Trinitie responded in a quiet voice: "Who will be able to say that, though? Everyone is scared of life. Especially Christians. Jesus didn't call us to be afraid like we are." The sad thing is, Trinitie knows me. Not well, but well enough. I've written on this blog before about living a Christian life that is not traditional. I've complained in class about people being "saved," then they get "churched" and they become ineffective. I've talked and written that Jesus wants us to live a life of purpose and meaning and danger and mystery and different and challenging. And most of all, complete. I've read Blue Like Jazz and Erwin McManus and many other "emerging" writers that talk about a fearless, different kind of faith. But my Christian walk is safe, and easy, and white, and middle-class, and traditional in a "contemporary" sort of way. And I'm afraid, just like Trinitie said. I don't know what I'm afraid of, but I do know I'm tired of talking about a different kind of Christianity instead of living a different kind of Christianity.

And so, right now, I'm a hypocrite. I pray that some day I'll be able to stand in front of you and say, "Hello. My name is Bruce and I'm a recovering hypocrite." But I've been living this way a long time. I need intervention. Please help.

His peace.